I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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