I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
