Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
