I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
