What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
