Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
