I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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