I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
