so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
