took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
