I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
