a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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