u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
