Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Text me some of your sweat
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
