Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
and you fell through a lawn chair
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
