He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
