okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
