a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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