need another drink. this is the easiest way
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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