Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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