I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
