so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
