We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
