Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
