Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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