We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
