Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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