I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Your penis caused this!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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