Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
