I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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