her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
