I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
