Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
