You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
