Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
