it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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