Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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