Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
