I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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