Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
