No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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