HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
