I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
