WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
