i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
