my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
