everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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