Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
