I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
