I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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