The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
