Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
