You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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