Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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