The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
