the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
